Category Archives: Manic Mutterings

Context Is Everything

9556224_origMy dentist is a good man and very good at his job. But I don’t really like  the whole ventriloquism thing I’m forced to do while lying in the chair. He always asks me questions while he’s jamming a mirror and pick down my throat so I can’t possibly answer. But he keeps doing it  anyway so I’m compelled to try to throw my voice. It never works.

I went to see him this week and it all happened again like it always does. Then it got weird. He started hitting on me. Or at least he said a few things that, heard out of context, would make you think he was. Things like…

“Hmmm, impressive, nice and pink and firm.” (actually said while inspecting my gums, but sounding like he was checking out some young woman’s fancy parts)

“Feel free to go to sleep, as long as I can crack you open and scrape your teeth” (after I mentioned I wasn’t fully awake yet)

That is the cleanest mouth I’ll probably see all day…” (well, er, thank you very much, Doctor, I think…)

No I don’t think he’s a perv, but I don’t think he hears what he sounds like to his patients. Then again, he does have a very weird job, cracking people open all day and scraping their teeth.

 

“You Know You’re Crazy, Right?”

Yeah, I know. That’s what I told her. My wife. When she poked her head in my office just now and said, “You know you’re crazy, right?” “Yeah, I know.”

What could I say? It was 4:55 am. I was pulling an all nighter again. I didn’t mean to. It just happened. I got through the whole day and night and hadn’t gotten in here. But I just had to, so then I did.

So I’ll be shot for tomorrow. My day won’t get started til very, very late. There’s lots to do and not enough time, and I’ve just sacrificed half the day.

But I just had to get in here. Because when I don’t, I fail. I can get by with little sleep, but I can’t afford to fail. And now you’re all caught up…