Manic Mutterings

Out With A Bang Not A Whimper

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jane-littleA woman named Jane Little showed up on a crawl at the bottom of my TV the other night. I was watching some political nonsense when the item moved across my screen and completely stole my attention. I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind since.

We don’t often hear much about symphonic musicians. When we do, it’s usually the star violinists like Itzhak Perlman or cellists like YoYo Ma. Tell me, when was the last time you heard about a string bass player? And we’re not talking about someone from one of the country’s top orchestras either, like  New York,  Boston, LA, Chicago or San Francisco.  We’re not even talking top ten here (oh yeah, they actually rank symphonies).

Jane Little played string bass for the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. Nothing remarkable there. But last year she set the Guinness World record for longest tenure in a single orchestra. Jane started when she was 16, and played 71 straight years. 71 years with the same orchestra. Amazing.

Even more amazing was that a woman in 1945 could get a paying job in a symphony orchestra. Let’s face it,  gender bias was in its heyday back then. Tough for women to compete with men for work. Even more so at her chosen instrument.

Yeah, we don’t want to admit it, but there are certain instruments women are “supposed” to play and be good at. Then there are ones we don’t think they should be playing professionally. Quick, can you name 10 famous female rock guitarists? How bout 5? I can easily name 50 famous male rock guitarists, but only a handful of female rockers. And I can’t think of even one famous female drummer (except for Sheila E, but she’s more of a percussionist than a drummer, though she’s a total badass on timbales). Continue reading Out With A Bang Not A Whimper →

Impressive People

Confidence is Contagious

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Stepan Curry 2016 MVPSteph Curry won another league MVP award this week. The vote was unanimous for the first time in NBA history, though he hadn’t played a game in weeks. After spraining his knee in the first round of the NBA playoffs, Steph had to cheer his teammates on from the sidelines.

Monday night, after missing 5 playoff games and nearly 3 weeks of playing time, Steph comes off the bench in the second quarter. His team is getting killed 16-2, but the moment he trots onto the court, they perk up. Bit by bit the Warriors crawl back into the game. They rally, even though Steph is having a terrible shooting night.

Curry can’t get his 3-point shot to drop. He is 0 for 9. The man who set the NBA record with 402 3-pointers in a season, can’t make a single one now. He misses nine, 3-point shots in a row.

Nine. Missed shots. In a row.

When most of us go 0 for 9 in anything, we run home, crawl in bed, and pull the covers over our heads. Most of us would think it wasn’t our night and we should stop shooting.

But not Steph. He just keeps grinding. Continue reading Confidence is Contagious →

Advice for the Manic Impressive

The Myth of the Morning Person

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early v late 2

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”

― Benjamin Franklin

I’ve never been a morning person, and I find many Manic Impressives share this trait. Though I work in a corporate world full of morning types, this is one area where I’ve always been out of step with the rest of the herd.

I’d often thought it was because I was born at 9:33 at night or that I spent my formative years as a musician. But now, thanks to this article on Huffington Post, I know it’s because I was born this way.

It’s in my genetic makeup.

Scoff all you want, but I’ve got science on my side. Many of us have circadian rhythms that just don’t follow the sun. It takes effort for us to get up early and join the others. Our natural rhythm is to be far more alert and productive as the day goes on. Our ideas and creativity kick in when most people are shutting it down.

For years we’ve been told this was a character flaw or immaturity. We MaEarly Birdnics have been pounded with that “Early to Bed, Early to Rise” crap, or worse, “The Early Bird Gets the Worm”.  Who the hell wants worms!? Have you actually tasted worm? Why would anyone get up early for that? Seriously, do you want to be a worm-eating weenie like this guy↑, or a  fear-inducing night flyer like this ↓bad-ass? Continue reading The Myth of the Morning Person →

Everything I Know I Learned From Television

ExhaustDead

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ExhaustDead You ever watch “1000 Ways to Die” on Spike TV? It’s about all the crazy, stupid and disgusting ways people get themselves killed. Sort of the Darwin Awards for television.

In Way to Die #108, an abusive guy plans a nasty surprise for his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. He’s outside a restaurant in his car, lying in wait for them with his paintball gun, ready for revenge.

But like most of the geniuses on this show, dude has done something stupid. He’s parked his car up against a pile of trash with his motor running. His car’s exhaust pipe gets clogged, exhaust backs up into his car, he starts feeling sleepy, badda boom badda bing, he’s starring in an episode of “1000 Ways to Die”.

Cosmic Justice.

The show has a dark sense of humor. At the end of each vignette they come up with a snarky title and slap a Way To Die # on it. The titles are usually sarcastic, bad puns, read in a mocking voice over. This one, Way To Die #108, is called,  “ExhaustDead”.

I saw this over the weekend and had a good laugh. But today, just a few days into the work week, I find myself feeling “ExhaustDead”. On the phone with my friend Ed, I describe myself as “bone weary”,  and “spent”. I can’t even sit upright to enjoy the Warriors bludgeon the hapless Rockets. I must watch this thrashing from my bed. Continue reading ExhaustDead →

Impressive People

Prince

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“Today’s the kind of day where, no matter what else you planned to talk about, you’re going to end up talking about Prince” – Rachel Maddow

How right you are, Rachel. I had planned to tell you all about my latest hospital adventure. I was going to be all clever and do a play on the Princess and the Pea. You know, the fairy tale about the spoiled little royal who couldn’t sleep because of a tiny irritant buried under her 20 mattresses?

I was going to call it The Aging Prince and the Kidney Stone. You may have an argument as to whether I am princely material, but no doubt I am aging, and even less doubt that this thing that emerged from my body and plopped into a strainer was a massive kidney stone.

I was even going to post a picture of it andStone tell you how this little pea left its gestational home in my left kidney at 1 in the morning, and how by 2 am I couldn’t sleep for the pain (just like the princess)  and I drove myself to the ER .

Turns out 2:30 am on a Monday night is a great time to show up at the ER. I was the only patient, so in moments I was checked in, banded, gowned, bedded, blanketed, and hooked up to a fabulous i.v. bag full of Dilaudid, my new favorite opiate analgesic. Continue reading Prince →

Advice for the Manic Impressive

Disciplined & Diligent Vs. Smart & Lazy

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Einstein'sDesk2

Tomorrow’s the big day. The day all Americans face a hard deadline. You either get that midnight postmark or you pay penalties and interest. Procrastinate all you want, but when April 15th rolls around you’d better have your act together.

I imagine you have some friends who filed their taxes months ago. They’re probably at the mall right now spending their refunds. But not you. You’re sweating that deadline like you do every year. And even though you should be working on your return right now, you’re doing everything in your power to distract yourself  and procrastinate (like reading this blog) instead of buckling down and getting your taxes done.

Your organized friends have never filed an extension. You try every year not to, but somehow this annual deadline creeps up and there you are, right up against it, debating whether or not to throw in the towel, file an extension, and put it all off until October.

Again.

If any of this sounds familiar, then you are in the right place. Last minute cramming is the hallmark of the Manic Impressive and April 15th is our final. The key is knowing what kind of person you are and accepting your reality. This, then, is all about two simple strategies:

Disciplined & Diligent or Smart & Lazy

You know all about the methods of the Disciplined & Diligent. It’s all the things you’ve failed at since Kindergarten. Smart people are too lazy to waste time being fastidious. They use their smarts to cut corners on drudgery to allow more time for innovation and sex.

Just follow these four simple methods of the Smart & Lazy and you’ll get your return in on time. Continue reading Disciplined & Diligent Vs. Smart & Lazy →

Everything I Know I Learned From Television

Performance Anxiety

lifeinpieces

Sometimes good sense comes to us from the unlikeliest places. Like this new sitcom, Life In Pieces. In episode 17, the mom is freaking out because her daughter Sofia is not practicing for her piano recital. Mom is reliving all the bad memories from her own childhood recital, so she talks with her daughter to spare her the humiliation she endured as a child.

Mom: “Your dad and I are concerned that you’re not practicing. I used to play piano when I was your age but I don’t anymore because nobody made me practice and I wish that they had.”

Sofia: “Well, no one’s stopping you now, go ahead.”

Mom: “I had a recital when I was your age, it did not go well. And I regret that.”

Sofia: “Mom, don’t worry so much. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

So the family assembles in the audience, prepared for humiliation and tears. Sofia delivers a cringe worthy performance, but the moment passes when the boy after her wets his pants and leaves the stage in shame.

LIP Audience

The family gathers backstage to console their daughter, who, strangely, does not seem fazed by having just bombed her recital. Continue reading Performance Anxiety →

Manic Mutterings

Celebrating Your Wins

We have a MoneyDance2popular tradition in our family called the Money Dance. Whenever we get a  windfall, like a tax refund or a bonus, we deposit the funds in the bank, withdraw a representative amount in small bills, take it home, toss it up in the air of the living room and dance around like idiots as the bills float to the ground around us.

Silly, right? But important. Here’s why:

Too often we get caught up in the drudgery of daily life. It’s hard to feel like we’re making progress in life when there’s an endless amount of mundane tasks just to keep things going. If we don’t keep up, we’re soon overwhelmed by Summary of Benefits statements, broken knobs and switches, and the never-ending list of tasks we must attend to just to keep our households running.

Celebrating the wins, no matter how small, is crucial to our motivation. At every turn, there is a mountain of paperwork and drudgery between us and happiness. Because, as The Eagles say in their song New York Minute, “the wolf is always at the door.” Continue reading Celebrating Your Wins →

More Proof That Life Is Kicking My Ass

Fear & Bravado

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Surgery Turban
Yet another hospital selfie

You sign the forms because you have to. If you don’t, the surgery doesn’t happen and your weakness and pain never go away. You gulp and sign your name saying, “sure, I’m aware that the things you plan to do to me are inherently risky and could all go terribly wrong”.

Then they inform you, quite specifically, of all those things that could go wrong- infection, brain damage, death – and that you’re not to sue them if they do. Of course you’d be brain-damaged or dead, so it would be your heirs doing the suing (hey that rhymed, I’m keeping it in!). Nevertheless, it is you that must sign.

So you do what they say and wait. There have been no fluids or solids since before midnight, there is no jewelry on your person, and you’ve shown up on time – 6:30 am on a Tuesday morning. You’ve resigned yourself to the risk and you’re plunging ahead, even though your spouse can’t stand the stress of waiting with you and dropped you off in the parking lot and sped away. You wait alone.

Intellectually you know that this is no big deal, they perform thousands of these procedures and they’re good at it. But you take comfort in your indulgences from the day before, because, hey, who knows, you may not be walking out of here alive. Continue reading Fear & Bravado →

Advice for the Manic Impressive

Just Say ‘No’

Just Say Nancy
Redskin Superbowl Quarterback Doug Williams with Nancy “Just Say No” Reagan

Nancy Reagan passed away recently after a 94 year run.  An actress in 11 feature films for MGM, Nancy married a fellow actor, then took on her most visible role as First Lady of the United States when that actor became president. All told, a long, successful life, and the 2nd longest lifespan of an American First Lady.

As most First Ladys do during their time in the White House, Nancy chose a cause to promote. While Michelle Obama’s cause was Childhood Obesity and Laura Bush’s was Child Literacy, Nancy chose to address teenage drug abuse with a campaign she called, “Just Say No.”

Nancy Reagan became synonymous with “Just Say No”, and her efforts led to a nationwide campaign of anti-drug use training for school kids. Backed by two billion dollars of government spending (that’s billion) and her husband’s minimum drug sentencing legislation, “Just Say No” became one of the largest initiatives of its kind anywhere.

Ever.

But critics argued that it was an overly simplistic, expensive and ineffective approach to a complex problem. Abbie Hoffman, noted 70’s radical activist, declared that it was akin to “telling a manic-depressive to just cheer up” (that’s manic-depressive, BTW not Manic Impressive).

Their concerns were bolstered by two studies in 1988 that showed no lasting positive effect of the effort. Just the opposite, in fact, as rates of marijuana, cocaine, and L.S.D. use among 8th graders actually increased after they had been in decline for many years.

But as I found out for myself the other day, just saying ‘No’ can work for other, simpler things. Continue reading Just Say ‘No’ →